why i left malaysia

*as appeared in malaysianinsider - may 30th, 2011

some time in the middle of 2006, i walked out of the majlis perbandaran seremban after another meeting with its pengarah. after two years of countless correspondences and meetings, i officially gave up on them picking up my household rubbish in a proper and timely manner. they were not capable of undertaking even these simple tasks. it was a lost cause. that was the turning point of my life in malaysia, and it left me exhausted. it put everything into perspective for me. once again, the bureaucratic system in malaysia failed me. once again, it deprived me of a simple need in my life. a need I was already entitled to as a malaysian. i never asked for much, and regarded myself as a good example of a first-generation Malaysian. i grew up in a small town in johor, and still speak bahasa malaysia articulately. at the end of my school days, i did not whine when lesser deserving friends earned scholarships to undertake professional courses overseas. i was happy to crawl into a local university. i dismissed my first encounter of racism there, but continued to embrace the multicultural life i was accustomed to. i tried complaining that scholarships for local studies were also disbursed unequally. it slowly dawned upon me that this was something i will need to get used to. but university life was too much fun, and there was no reason to worry about my future, at least while I was there. after graduating, i worked for one local company. these were good times, where mediocrity was the rule of the day. I realised then that in malaysia, you can survive by using only 10 per cent of your mental capacity. not a bad deal actually. life could not get any better at that point. but I was slowly creating a vacuum between my ears. wanting to keep some grey matter intact, i left and joined a foreign company. this would be one of a string of foreign companies i worked at in malaysia. life continued to be fun. i was enjoying decent salaries and kept paying a small fortune in taxes. i even contributed to the economy by purchasing several protons, and changed their power windows regularly. but I was tired of the traffic jams and the floods in kuala lumpur. i tried everything, from taking public transportation to buying a motorcycle for work. nothing worked. i even moved to Seremban. by then I had worked more than a decade. the mediocrity i thought i had left behind was also catching up with me. i had to once again deal with the same people, who were now in positions of authority, and were making decisions in projects i was working on. many of them were basically idiots. some knew there were not the sharpest knives in the drawer, and listened to the opinion of others. but some were so dumb they actually thought they were smart. life started getting to be less fun. but I did not complain. it was easier just to butter them up and get the projects started. you knew the projects will never fully meet their objectives due to bureaucracy, but you just did what you were paid to do. thankfully nothing is actually audited in Malaysia. as much as I thought i didn’t care, i slowly started looking at the negative aspects of my work. perhaps it was mid-life crisis. i became a huge pessimist. this began to spill over to my personal life. let me tell you one thing. it is not easy being a pessimist, especially when you are not too smart and not at all enterprising. i had always wanted a simple life. but life was becoming increasingly difficult for me. the people I was entrusted to deal with in the public service irritated me. i became a very bitter person, and had very little patience. i did not like being surrounded by incompetence. i just wanted to pay my taxes (without all the complications), and receive the basic necessities I am entitled to as a taxpayer. all this while, the wife and I could not tolerate the fact that our kids were being schooled by teachers who were only good at making straw baskets or dealing with amway products. these thoughts kept us awake at night. as i walked out of majlis perbandaran seremban that day, i knew what had to be done. it was not an easy decision to make, but our surroundings made it unbearable for us to live in malaysia. our needs were simple, but it was obvious that these needs could not be met in malaysia. not in my life time anyway. we left malaysia more than two years ago. australia is not only a nice place to live in because of its beautiful surroundings, but the systems and processes in place make every day life so easy. my kids also actually enjoy school because teachers here accept them for what they are, and treat them with respect. i do miss Malaysia. not the malaysia i left behind, but the malaysia I grew up in.

ravikumar balan - baby.

its been just over a week since i boarded a flight back to perth, after ten days in malaysia. on my previous trips, it was always a joy to return home after spending some time with friends in malaysia. this time around, i was flying back a day after the funeral of one of my best mates. it was an awful feeling.

i knew my next trip will never be the same again. baby was always among the first people i would call after landing in kl, and he would be among the first to meet up with me. "bayi - how are u lah. welcome back." These would always be his first words, accompanied with a hard slap on my back which always irritated me. he would then proceed to ask about the family, always genuinely caring about everyone he knew.

during the five-hour flight, i kept thinking about the last time we met, and how i couldnt meet him for two days before his untimely passing. i was too caught up with my own holiday, trying to squeeze in as much as possible during the ten day period. i regret not making an extra effort to see him. i regret not asking him how he was, although he didnt seem too well. i thought baby would always be there ... just a phone call away.

but i made the call too late. i last called his number at noon on october 23. but he didnt answer the call. a sobbing voice on the other end told me he had passed away in the morning.

people who knew baby will now no longer enjoy his company. we will no longer have a friend who had more problems than most of us put together, but who managed life with a huge smile. nothing in life pulled him down. nothing could, judging from the hurdles he had in life.

im sure he is in a better place now. a place where there is no pain. a place with no problems. hopefully, a place where he is better appreciated for the great person he is.

rest in peace baby ... and keep a beer chilled for me.

september 13

twenty years ago, an early morning phone call shattered my world. the most important person in my universe had left this world. one long distance three-minute phone call relating a freak accident was all it took to change my life forever.

the roller coaster of emotions that followed took me through shock, anguish, anger.. utter despair. The pain was unbearable. the long hours and days that followed did not ease the pain in any way. the unfortunate trip taken to find an answer to the loss did not help either. the pieces in the jigsaw of her final moments in life did not produce a clear picture. not knowing what actually happened was as painful as her untimely passing.

twenty years is a long time. nine new members have been added to the family tree. i married the love of my life, was blessed with two great kids, have since worked in seven organisations, and even migrated to another country.

yet hardly a day goes by without me thinking of that phone call.
i still try to piece the jigsaw. visions of how life would have turned out with her warm presence remain.

time does not heal.

darwin

landed in darwin on july 1, to start a six-week job secondment. good timing, i must say, to be able to get away to a great sunny climate, and away from chilly perth. check into the hotel, took a short walk, and first thing i saw was a sign that read: buff club - new members welcome. stepped right in, paid aud10 dollars and immediately became a member of a club that serves cold middies for aud3.50. i can live with that. tested out a few drinks and went for another short walk to fill my fridge with other bare necessities, like coffee, bread, milk and bacon slices. got my priorities sorted for a start.

all along the way, shops were plastered with signs that read: firecrackers for sale, july 1st only. apparently its nortern territory day ... the only day firecrackers can be sold and lit. it was awesome that night... like chinese new year in malaysia.

cheers

msian in australia

"so where do you work?" i asked a young, smartly dressed malaysian sounding dude i met recently. "im an accountant at the western australia chamber of commerce".

this simple statement confirmed that he was from malaysia. i also presumed that he did not mix around much, and kept to people of his similar upbringing and background. he probably frequents restaurant makan-makan in vic park, and has an occasional teh-tarik after his meal. he probably doesnt mingle with aussie co-workers. he may even accuse them of being oblivious to other cultures, due to his own ignorance.

otherwise, he would have just answered ... "i work at the western australia chamber of commerce!" i didnt ask him what he did there. here in australia, thanks to minimum wages and respect for those around you, conversations are kept very casual. no one ever divulges specifics of their job and private life, unless there is a reason to do so. people are proud of what they do, whether they are rock stars or tree huggers.

or maybe he just didnt hear or understand me. i should have spoken malay to him. but he was trying so hard to speak english ...

trading places ...

its kind of tough to save money in australia. you make some at work, but after paying taxes and enjoying what australia has to offer, there isnt much left. unless you are an asian who continue to live and think like an asian here ....
tradesmen here make good money though. but i find it hard to talk to a tradesman to find out more. i mean ... how do you walk up to a guy in shorts and knee length white socks? and even if you did, how do you take him seriously?

i need .....

something to bitch about. mind is blank .... nothing ever happens in australia. nothing .. absolutely nothing. im even forgetting things now ... guess thats what happens when enter a state of semi-retirement. when you go to work sometimes .. i mean when to drive to a workplace .. but just sit around and do nothing for 12 hours ... thank god i get paid for it.

went to malaysia for a short holiday last week... met some nice people, met many pricks... met some pricks who used to be nice people... thank god for some real friends who remain real friends, who provide reason for me to go back to malaysia again. was looking forward to coming back to australia .. now wondering what i was looking forward to ...

hmmm .. well the weather is great now ... thats a good start. what else ... doesnt help that my mind is growing comfortably numb, even as im attempting to type here.