show of force

my breakfast today was interrupted by a smartly dressed - but rude - gentleman seated two tables away. he kept complaining about his roti canai and ice lemon tea, and kept reprimanding the waiter over some trivial matters like the lack of sugar in his drink or unavailability of curry for his roti canai. he was obnoxious, and looked around with pride each time he acted like an ass.

i felt sorry for him. he abviously has a good job. but he must be incompetent, and got the job through connections, which is a norm here. problem is, people like him wont get any respect at his work place, because he doesnt deserve it. so he takes his frustration out on the bangladeshi waiter who works hard to earn a living.

i guess our cave man instincts cannot leave us, and we need to exert some force sometimes. the problem is .. who do we take it out on?

a head of state cannot take action on a vip who doesnt pay the quit rent for a mansion, so he picks on houseowners who take up pieces of land besides their homes (and in the process take better care of the land).

a journalist cannot publish what he know about almost everyone in this country, so he picks on mat rempits. cops with badges and a guns cannot take on the true crooks, who are above the law, so they hide behind bushes and stop people who exceed absurd speed limits, or truck drivers who overload, instead of the company that owns the lorries.

the driver of the rubbish truck who does not pick up my rubbish regularly is sore, because he has no one to pick on, just the two poor guys dangling behind the truck.
people who are left with the rubbish pick on their neighbours, especially those with smaller houses.

the anti corruption agency cannot take action on anyone. thats a frustrated lot.

its been a great week .. but

wonder what excuses were made for being late since traffic was not an issue this week.

no traffic .. no cars honking behind you at traffic lights the moment the light turns green. and the cops are not around too, so the lower half of society didnt get harassed the whole week. wonder where the cops are .. since they are not hiding in corners anymore.. must be directing traffic at vip open houses.

it is during times like these when you feel like having a long breakfast with a good newspaper. found several breakfast spots, but still looking for a good newspaper.

maybe i should be a journalist. just have to reprint letters on the front page of newspapers ... that shouldnt be too tough. or publish strong statements that dont have any meaning ... "no more bets" .. one paper screamed today on how police are going to crack down on mini casinos in the country.

...if we were to listen to what the papers says (based on promises and pledges made) by now there would also be no more snatch thieves, no more illegal VCDs, no more drug addicts, no more racists statements, no more uncompleted projects, no more inefficient teachers, no more bad drivers, no more corrupt officials, no more nepotism, no more bull!!

but we have much to hope for .. thanks to hardworking people who work till wee hours of the morning, looking for couples who might be committing khalwat. forget the fact that there are far more pressing issues in the country. maybe catching couples is fun, even if they happen to be old mat sallehs . the couple now reconsiders making malaysia their second home. we have just lost two more foreigners who would have appreciated the decorative lights and lamps posts all over the country.

while this was going on, houses were broken into in other parts of the county. a former high ranking official lost rm200,00o cash in a robbery. poor sod .. that must have been his life savings .. if his salary averaged rm4,000 over the last 30 years, he would have made rm120,000. then his gratuity payments etc .. from all of which he never spent a sen as he lived on fresh air and laughter.

another head of state is said to be looking better .. apparently because he was hati lapang . (by the way they even had a before and after picture of him). he should be lapang, which i think means relaxed, as he has eradicated, from his state: poverty, illegal squatters, flash floods, traffic jams, corrupt officials etc etc ... while attending english classes.

our lives continue to dangle like the lrt at sentul.

the meeting

its finally over. i am part of the nation that waited with bated breath for the meeting to be over (at least that was what was said in the papers). i got up early today, skipped my morning breakfast and held my bowel movements just to read the long report in newspapers. pages and pages of stuff that make the news in this country. three pages that said the meeting took place. it took three pages to say that? i read and read .. hoping there was something that would change my life. but there was so much to read ..

my bowels finally took over and i had to take the paper to the throne.. it took me three minutes to conclude what i had always known ... i had two things to flush down this morning.

so what happens to life after the meeting? lets call it the main meeting from now on to avoid being confused with the thousands of other meaningless meeting that take place. so the main meeting will result in other meetings taking place which also discuss nothing.

papers can dedicate one page each day on meetings. kind of a society page, but minus the wine glasses. the people will be seated, striking a "discussion" pose. each day we will be told who had meetings.

we can then have separate levels of meetings, levels 5 to 1. those with enough level 5 meetings (held at offices) can then move up to level 4 meetings, which will be held at three star hotels. as we progress, the number of people at each meeting will decrease and the venue will improve. the objective will be to be at the main meeting. it will take years .. many years to reach the main meeting. and there is only one seat available at the main meeting. all one has to do is wait and attend meetings without saying anything ..

tv stations can have a meeting segment showing the same.. once again discussing trivial matters in a serious tone. a new subject called mesyuarat can be introduced at schools. if there are already too many subjects we could always remove science or maths since we dont have teachers who understand these subjects, let alone teach them in english.

this may work .. it actually can work. better call for a meeting to discuss the meetings .. gotta book awie and erra for the movie. we can have gameshows ..who wants to attend the meeting or meeting of fortune.

from a commercial point of view, airlines can offer meeting class seats where syrup will be offered in wine glasses. we can have movies rated m, where there is no sensible dialoque. but not to be confused with the other local movies, there actors in the m movies will also not shake their heads every ten minutes. basically they wont move at all. basically like nicholas cage trapped under a rubble in the world trade centre.

ahh back to reality ..

strangers who talk strange

its funny how a simple phone call from someone you dont even know can put you on track for the rest of the day. a business call that did not get right to the point, and instead digressed a little here and there on matters that matter ... without comprimising on the nature of the call.

nice. but we normally dont have time for these niceties do we?

nowadays we dont ask people we meet whether they sudah makan. instead we ask makan kat mane?. where we eat no longer depends on distance and weather, but more on venue, ambiance, the view ... and who you makan with.

life is getting complicated, or do we call it progress now?

i remember a stranger walked up to me out of the blue once, and we talked. he wasnt gay, i think, but it is hard to tell these days. he was nice though, and polite. might have been gay then. anyway, after a few minutes, i commented that it was nice of him to just walk up to me and talk. i noted that the only people who do so now are insurance ands proton salesmen (i said this while he was handing me his business card) he turned out to be an insurance salesman after all. thank god .. cos i didnt need another crap car.

when i traveling in india in a rented vehicle some years ago, our driver use to stop inches from a strangers, blowing dust into their already dusty faces, and shout out names of towns we were looking for. These strangers would just point to where we should go. I never heard the words "thank you" mentioned. maybe that was why we were always lost.

role play time

its just over 5pm. the roads are going to be packed. might as well sit at my desk and try to irritate someone, even if its only myslef. joining someone for buka puasa. but might as well leave later. cos the roads will be packed.

i have been told that we dont have enough cops to control traffic. then a local daily showed a picture of our cops testing out a new traffic surveilance system ... two cops in the picture, one pointing out an offender and the other taking a shot of him. imagine if the one taking the shot could spot the offender himself, then the other cop can be deployed elsewhere to ease traffic.

but then i guess it was just a staged shot for the newspapers. otherwise why would a newspaper reporter be up there at an observation tower ... plus the newspaper cannot really spare a photographer to wait at an observation tower to get a candid shot. he can be deployed elsewhere to cover some other staged shot.

which is also why on the first day of Deepavali and Hari Raya day itself, we will have pictures of people celebrating the first day of the occasion in newspapers. how does a newspaper which goes to print one day earlier have a shot of a family celebrating on the same day? welcome to the world of role play

we role play all the time. we see people role playing everywhere. elvis, when he was thinner, said the world was a stage. we have confirmed it.

happy deepavali and selamat hari raya aidilfitri. lets have a real celebration.

mix, then stir

what is happening to bahasa malaysia? why are we mixing it with other languages? why have we not preserved its sanctity? we cannot just let our emotions destroy our heritage. just because we evolve, we cannot speak the way we are comfortable in.

good thing we realised it fast. lets do a campaign now. we need lots of buntings. all over. and we need the media. but this time around, we will seek their cooperation by asking them to publish what is said in full. no editing, no thoughts of their own. just this time.

no buntings needed in bangsar and sri hartamas. this way we be can be more focused by eliminating groups we cannot influence. like the very rich. have you noticed that while they maintain their culture .. they never speak bahasa malaysia. they say it like this: "abang, can you tell kakak we are leaving now. and remind kak su that we are out of perrier water. im going to find abah to get the brabus washed before terawih."

the next thing we do is make more local movies. they have always preserved our language, and portray our daily lives the way it should be. For example, a scene with two gangsters having a meeting over a territorial claim (at a fancy hotel, sipping syrup in a wine glass) would go like this "Kita kena bekerjasama dalam hal ini. Walaupun negara ini memberi peluang kepada semua golongan rakyat, kita tidak harus leka dengan kemakmuran yang telah dicapai, terutamanya oleh kerajaan sekarang."

these movies are really good. to make sure we digest the dialogue, they will then show us the main gangster driving off, reach his front gate, get out of his car, open the gate, drive in, park, shut his engine, get out of his car again, lock the gate from inside, remove his shoes, open his front door, get into the house, and shake his head.

then the phone will ring. after staring at the phone, he will walk over and pick it up. (this is the language reinforcement part) He will say something like: "ya tuan. segalanya telah dikemaskini sepenuhnya tuan. kita akan bekerjasama sepenuhnya, samada ketua kita dahulu atau ketua kita sekarang. ya, tuan. selamat malam tuan, dan tolong kirim salam kepada cik puan."

selamat.

sorrow

the sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land
plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky:
a man lies and dreams of green fields and rivers,
but awakes to a morning with no reason for waking

pink floyd - a momentary lapse of reason(1987)

hazy thoughts

you can't see exhaust fumes belching from heavy vehicles anymore, thanks to the haze. but it doesnt make things any better. i would seriously prefer to see what is killing me. but what can i do?

we should get rid of the haze, so we can see the fumes again. we should all chip in. but we are powerless ... maybe the authorities can help. can't think much today, but here's some initial thoughts:
* town councils can empty the large flower pots all over town, and get lids for them. once the haze settles in, close the lid. better r.o.i. this way
* when our astronaut leaves for space, get the rocket to fly past our air space a few times to blow the haze away. once again, better r.o.i
* find ways to marginalise the haze ... without getting sensitive
* give large paper fans to traffic cops waving at cars. problem is, we must first standardise the hand signals ... right now we dont know if cops are asking me to drive on at a red light or stop at a green light
* organise more ceramahs around hotspots. all the hot air generated will push the haze up. make the ceramah extra long ... talking about one irrelevant topic over and again will generate enough hot air not only to get rid of the haze, we can even become a regional sauna hub
* on the other hand, we could also not harp on the same issues, and instead move on to other topics quicky. the vacuum created from the vacuum between many ears will result in the haze moving into the isolated spot. make sure the spot we choose to vacate issues from is uninhabited by real minds ... like putrajaya
* give the haze a bahasa rojak name, like jerehaze or hazebu. we will be so obsessed with its terminology, and forget the real issue
* i'm done .. i think

small thoughts

there was a time when machines were an extension of a man's ego, a phallic symbol. i guess that is not the case anymore, or this guy would be leading a really miserable life.

i try, i seriously try, but cannot comprehend why one rides a pocket bike around small circles. the "mosquito-like" sound of the bike is irritating enough. not to mention how uncomfortable the ride is.

someone should remind this guy about real bikes. real roads. real rides. he might enjoy himself better. kick off them elbow and knee pads. be a real man. who knows, he might even get lucky on a real road with real people.

i remember riding bikes for a good part of my life. had quite a few bikes. they were not that big, but at least five times the size of this guy's ... bike. and none could fit into my pocket.

i think ...

town councils are thinking out of-the-box nowadays. they think of big, national issues like bringing in tourists dollars. in line with, i think, what they think they know about tourism, they have zeroed in on what they think tourists want - fancy lamp-posts that do not fit the surroundings, majestic flower pots, and lights .. lots of lights - shaped like ketupats, the moon and stars ...

i think im going to invite some tourists to my home. what do you think mr town councillor? since these tourists will be visiting my home, do you think my garbage should be picked up regularly, the broken lamp-post in front of my house repaired, the green areas around my housing area maintained, and the drains unclogged? what do u think?